The first day of the year, I asked the women in our VIP group if they made New Years Resolutions and a lot of women said they pick a word or phrase for the year and focus on that word. I loved this idea but seriously struggled with picking something that I wanted to focus on and change in my life. I have a lot of goals for the next few years for my family and for the business, but I wanted something that was really for myself. After my sweet girl made her debut, it became so clear what my word for the year needed to be.
It was something God kept putting on my heart. Time and time again I caught myself saying, “You need to give yourself some grace.” I think as moms especially we can be so hard on ourselves. We think we need to have it all together 24/7 and guess what? It’s ok to not have it all together.
We attempted to go to church for the first time this morning as a family of four. It seemed like everything this morning was trying to keep us home. My son didn’t want to wake up, we were 25 min late to class, little girl spit up on my clothes as we were headed out the door. We finally get there and it felt so good to be back. It was good to see everyone’s welcoming faces, we witnessed some of closest friend’s daughter get baptized, and the singing was just what this mama needed this morning. Then we get to communion, and my husband gets up to help serve. That’s when the train wreck occurred. My son lost the good brain God gave him. Bless the ladies who tried to help and helped me out of the auditorium to the nursery. My husband came and calmed our son down, I fed the baby and we attempted to go back in for the sermon. It was too late, our son was just over it all this morning and started screaming like a banshee. We gathered our things quickly and hurried out of the auditorium holding back the tears. Seriously, that was probably the most humiliating thing that has ever happened to me.
As I cried the whole was home this morning I kept hearing God telling me to give myself GRACE. For weeks now I have been telling myself this, but this morning just felt like a slap in the face. I don’t have it all together. I try, but I had a baby three weeks ago. We are all still trying to adjust to our new life. Not only do I need to give myself grace, but I need to give my son grace. His world was turned upside down three weeks ago. He’s not even two yet. As much as we would talk about sister coming and try to tell him, he didn’t understand.
So if you see me around town or at church flustered because I’m still learning to juggle two kids, do me a favor and give me the grace I don’t always give myself.